What Are Theta Waves?

What Are Theta Waves? 

Theta waves are a brain wave which occurs during sleep or deep meditation, dreaming, and creativity. Many spiritual experiences are believed to occur when theta waves are being emitted. It slows down brain activity, and when engaged they are believed to improve problem-solving, creativity, and physical relaxation. Theta is meant to take your brain out of its confines and let it roam freely, which is not conducive to concentration or completion of activities. However, you may be able to retain information better in theta, if you can maintain some level of awareness. There are beliefs that subliminal language tapes may have some success in theta, as can language repetition tapes.

So how can you access theta, and harness its properties? It starts with a meditation and a willingness to stop wrestling your brain for control. I like to go on YouTube and search “theta wave meditations” or “binaural beats” and play meditations while getting comfortable and being willing to just follow my brain wherever it chooses to go. You should remain as open as possible to creativity and spirituality- it may be fun or relaxing to choose a guided meditation and see what information your mind yields. I am including links for some of my favorite meditations at the end of this blog. This is the time to try shamanic journeying or astral travel if you have a supportive spiritual practice and are familiar with doing so safely. Or, you can enjoy a sound bath and feel relaxing energy pulsing through your body as you drift to sleep (I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS IN PERSON IF YOU CAN FIND A SOUND HEALER NEAR YOU!). My suggestion is to save this for the end of the day, after everything is done, and give yourself plenty of time to feel the benefits. This isn’t something I would encourage doing while driving or during the middle of the day when you may still have to get things done. 

Try adding theta wave relaxation to your daily self-care routine this week, and see what benefits you notice! I would love to hear all about it from you! Contact me directly at rebecca@Mhccholistichealth.hush.com(clinical therapy) or rebecca@nestcoaching.org(life coaching)!

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

https://youtu.be/ugOQMCP8C00

https://youtu.be/w6sbrmcrSuo

https://youtu.be/aP4Fz_8j1as

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

NEW CLINICAL SUPERVISION GROUP!

I’m so excited to announce:

We’ll be discussing cases, doing some mock case formulations and diagnostic exercises, working on treatment planning, and sharing resources amongst new or incumbent master’s-level counseling graduates!

Sessions will be monthly, via Zoom (you’re also welcome to come to my office if you’re local and it’s convenient for you). No commitment required, however prospective members must apply by emailing me directly.

I’m hoping to keep group numbers around 6-8, so I’m expecting spots to fill up quickly! Reserve your spot today!

When People Show You Who They Are, Pay Attention!

“When people show you who they are, pay attention.” This is a simple line that means that we often work to see the best in others, sometimes at the expense of ourselves. We ignore the very real and valid feelings we may have about the way others are treating us. We allow ourselves to be taken advantage of, ignore our intuition, and become resentful. 

This is your invitation to ask yourself where this tendency to ignore your intuition came from. Why do you feel the need to always give others the benefit of the doubt? How can you tell they’re deserving? What if some people just aren’t respectful of you and therefore are deserving of a strong dose of reality, so that they can grow? What if that doesn’t mean anything about you or them, and you’re allowed to speak up or not be so damn accommodating all the time?

Lisa Nicholls, personal empowerment guru, tells us we need to show the world how to love us. It’s our job to be the first example of how people should be treating us and how they should behave around us. What message is it sending if you accept less than you deserve? What is your bare minimum expectation for how the ones you love or value most to treat you? How does this differ from how you are willing to treat yourself? What’s a better way to show the world how to love you, and what are the barriers to making that happen? How do you show you how to love you, and how does that carry over into the rest of the world?

If you need help learning to love yourself, and learning to show the world how to love you, please reach out to me directly at either rebecca@nestcoaching.org(for coaching support) or rebecca@mhccholistichealth.hush.comfor more formal psychotherapy (which can be covered by insurance depending on your individual benefits).

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

NEW CLINICAL SUPERVISION GROUP!

I’m so excited to announce:

We’ll be discussing cases, doing some mock case formulations and diagnostic exercises, working on treatment planning, and sharing resources amongst new or incumbent master’s-level counseling graduates!

Sessions will be monthly, via Zoom (you’re also welcome to come to my office if you’re local and it’s convenient for you). No commitment required, however prospective members must apply by emailing me directly.

I’m hoping to keep group numbers around 6-8, so I’m expecting spots to fill up quickly! Reserve your spot today!

What is Holism?

Holism is a word that is starting to sound like some sort of fad, and it doesn’t seem very clear other than the fact that it flies in the face of some Western treatment models. I hope to provide some actually useful information to help you decide what holism looks like in your life.

 

According to Dictionary.com, holism is “the theory that parts of a whole are in intimate interconnection, such that they cannot exist independently of the whole, or cannot be understood without reference to the whole, which is thus regarded as greater than the sum of its parts. Holism is often applied to mental states, language, and ecology. In medicine: the treating of the whole person, taking into account mental and social factors, rather than just the physical symptoms of a disease.”

 

This is a term that is starting to become popular in behavioral health treatment as the USA begins to recognize a need to integrate the various, interwoven components of health to understand and conceptualize symptoms/complaints/health in a newer, more complete way. It often means that providers are looking to meet the client where they are at, whether that means wanting/needing western medications, and doing whatever they can to help the client heal themselves. This can mean, in behavioral health, having conversations about spiritual health as well as mental/emotional/physical, and exhausting all options before referring clients for medication evaluations, unless they require such. It means providers are challenging themselves to collaborate with clients on mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, and financial levels to ensure optimal health and healing. It may mean energy healing, spiritual healing, acupuncture, referrals for massage/non-traditional therapies, dietary changes, and encouraging a yoga/meditation/sound healing regimen. It may sound like “woo woo” therapies, or considering some of the medicinal uses of cannabis/CBD oil/vitamins/herbs, consulting astrological charts, or self-help books as well to supplement. 

 

If you’re not sure what holism looks like for you, contact me directly! We can have a discussion about what you feel is missing, and whether counseling or coaching can help fill those gaps.

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Copy of NEW CLINICAL SUPERVISION GROUP!

I’m so excited to announce:

We’ll be discussing cases, doing some mock case formulations and diagnostic exercises, working on treatment planning, and sharing resources amongst new or incumbent master’s-level counseling graduates!

Sessions will be monthly, via Zoom (you’re also welcome to come to my office if you’re local and it’s convenient for you). No commitment required, however prospective members must apply by emailing me directly.

I’m hoping to keep group numbers around 6-8, so I’m expecting spots to fill up quickly! Reserve your spot today!

May Oil of the Month! Cypress!

CYPRESS! DoTERRA’s oil of the month this month is Cypress! I’m excited about it because I’ve been wanting to learn more about it myself, and I just placed my monthly order which means I get it for free in addition to my order! 

According to my reading from Emotions and Essential Oils, Cypress is believed to create an energetic flow and emotional catharsis. This is exciting because it’s a necessary component of trauma healing and a huge area of focus with my coaching clients. According to the book, “this oil is especially indicated for individuals who are mentally or emotionally stuck, stiff, rigid, tense, overstriving, or have perfectionistic tendencies.” This attempt to control is due to fear of surrender- in my coaching practice I work specifically with clients through shamanic healing, energy work, and essential oils to help clients see that surrender is beautiful, freeing, and often allows for creative energy to flow through! The result is more fulfillment and less fear and anxiety. 

If you’re interested in seeing how Cypress or any of my other favorite oils can be helpful in your journey to emotional wellness, contact me at Rebecca@nestcoaching.orgto set up your free, 30-minute Zoom consultation! Essential Oil consultations are also an optional component of all coaching and energy healing sessions with me, and I have a few spots left for this month before I leave for Peru! Get on my calendar today!

Oh and don’t forget to place your orders for essential oils by the 15th- If you order 125 PV as part of a loyalty order before the 15th of each month, you’ll receive the product of the month free! And if you want monthly business coaching by me FOR FREE, you can apply to join my team of energy and emotional healers! To order, visit my.doterra.com/rebeccatoner1 and to apply to be on my team, email me directly!

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC   Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.    Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

NEW CLINICAL SUPERVISION GROUP!

I’m so excited to announce:

We’ll be discussing cases, doing some mock case formulations and diagnostic exercises, working on treatment planning, and sharing resources amongst new or incumbent master’s-level counseling graduates!

Sessions will be monthly, via Zoom (you’re also welcome to come to my office if you’re local and it’s convenient for you). No commitment required, however prospective members must apply by emailing me directly.

I’m hoping to keep group numbers around 6-8, so I’m expecting spots to fill up quickly! Reserve your spot today!

How to Supercharge Your Growth in Between Sessions!

Therapy and coaching both require the client do some healvy lifting outside of sessions, in very different ways. Reality is, those appointments are 60-90 minutes at most, and it’s really hard to cram everything from the last 1-2 or several weeks into such a small amount of time.

It’s definitely helpful to spend some time before your appointment thinking about what you want to work on so that you can make the best use of your session. It’s also a great idea to take notes in your session (sometimes I’m even nice enough to do this for my clients if it means they stay in the moment and keep processing but will need to refer back to something later on). If in therapy, you can ask your therapist for homework or use your notes to expand on your processing between sessions.

If you’re working with a coach, your coach should be asking thought-provoking questions that help you generate an action plan for your own self. They should also be providing accountability and encouragement, and helping you to decide how you will reach out for support if needed. Some people choose to work with both a therapist and a coach at the same time for an extra opportunity to grow in different ways. 

I’m also a big fan of journaling (for myself and for my clients) in between sessions. I like to track my own progress, and journaling does help me reveal new insights. Sometimes, it’s also nice to refer back to old journal entries to see how far I’ve come and keep me moving into new directions. As a therapist, I love it when my clients bring in their journals to read off what they processed that felt significant, as it amplifies therapeutic growth and sometimes gives great material for us to process in session if needed.

I encourage clients to journal at both of my businesses. I encourage them to pick a thought and follow it for at least 10-15 minutes, to see what they get and to go below the surface a little. I invite them to explore what may be bothering them and what they notice happening to their bodies, why that information is relevant, and what they plan to do with what they’ve learned. I also direct them with journal questions or takeaway thought-provoking statements from our sessions where doing so is appropriate and helpful. For some clients, I encourage Pinterest or journal prompt books such as “Practice You,” “List Yourself,” and “The Life Organizer.”

I hope this is helpful in getting you inspired to journal, write, and take control of your own growth both in sessions and outside of sessions.

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Copy of NEW CLINICAL SUPERVISION GROUP!

I’m so excited to announce:

We’ll be discussing cases, doing some mock case formulations and diagnostic exercises, working on treatment planning, and sharing resources amongst new or incumbent master’s-level counseling graduates!

Sessions will be monthly, via Zoom (you’re also welcome to come to my office if you’re local and it’s convenient for you). No commitment required, however prospective members must apply by emailing me directly.

I’m hoping to keep group numbers around 6-8, so I’m expecting spots to fill up quickly! Reserve your spot today!

March is Social Media Awareness Month- Week 4

I’d like to wrap up our First Annual Social Media Awareness Month with a list of fun, inspirational social media accounts to follow for positivity or just plain fun!

Instagram:

@soulshineastrology

@gypsyon_

@annacardosoyoga

@prettyandwell

@naturechola

@sophie.jaffe

Facebook:

Pero Like

GoodTherapy

The Gottman Institute

Psychology Today

The Onion

The Animal Rescue Site

Awaken Self & Love

Naughty Shaman

The Red Barn in Durham

The Trauma Project

Thinking Minds

Humans of New York

Unfortunately, I rarely use Pinterest for these purposes (mostly just recipes and hairstyles to be honest), and I have never had a Twitter account, so I can’t offer very many social media accounts that would be useful there but feel free to comment and add your own! I love adding to the list of resources!

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

March is Social Media Awareness Month- Week 3

The last two weeks I have been talking about many of the negative aspects of social media, including harmful comments people make, comparing ourselves to other people’s highlight reels, and being inauthentic with our own social media personas. We have challenged ourselves to be more mindful with how we use social media. There are also many gifts that social media can offer us. I am connected to many professional groups related to my various fields though Facebook, and I learn so many new things every day. I find myself inspired by the relatively easy connection to other professionals in my field, who have such fantastic ideas. I also have a personal Instagram account, and I love it for the fact that I can curate most of the content I see and I can be open to all kinds of different inspiration from yoga accounts, silly comedy accounts, artistic accounts, music accounts, etc.

So this week, I want to challenge you to think about the accounts you’re following. Are they inspiring you? Are they leading you down a road that feels like it’s worth your time? If not, what can you get rid of? What do you want to make room for? What emotions are being evoked when you see this content? What do you feel in your body when taking in this content? How will it impact the way you connect with the physical world? If you don't have a car or positive answer for any of these, what would it take to stop following this content?

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

March is Social Media Awareness Month- Week 2

This week, in the spirit of the Social Media Awareness Month we’ve created for March, I want to discuss our individual social media personas. First, Dictionary.com defines “persona” as “the aspect of someone’s character that is presented to or perceived by others.” We all have different personas to get through our days- I think most of us can agree that we are different at work than at home or with our friends. With the advent of social media, it has become the norm to engage with the world from behind screens, picking and choosing the best parts of ourselves to show the world.

The result? We sit with our insecurities while we watch everyone’s highlight reels, taking the things they choose to share for the gospel truth, while comparing ourselves to everyone else. And other people probably aren’t trying to make anyone feel inferior, they’re just proud to show their cute selfie or their new house or car or baby or puppy. But the result is the same.

And don’t even get me started on public comments sections. People find any excuse to bash each other, and turn a mistake, grammatical error, or opinion into a judgement on that person as a whole (and it’s usually a negative one). It’s enough to scare anyone out of commenting or having any sort of opinion on anything. Throw in the misinformation that’s constantly tossed around, and it soon becomes hard to decipher what’s real and what’s not.

So this week, I want to invite you to be mindful of the social media persona you are cultivating through your shares and your comments. Are you being authentic? If not, why? How representative is your social media persona of your true life? Are you compensating for something? What is the intention behind what you’re sharing? Are you finding yourself arguing with or attacking people in the comments? Why? If you’re feeling attacked, what would help you feel better? Do you need to take a break from social media, or set limits with yourself around the time you spend on social media? Are you using it for an intended purpose, or is it just part of a routine/time filler? Is there something you’d rather be doing with that time instead?

I would love to hear your thoughts! If you need help breaking away from social media, or want to start turning your social media persona around to connect with people in a more authentic way, please feel free to reach out directly!

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

March is Social Media Awareness Month at MHCC and The Nest!

March is Social Media Awareness Challenge Month at MHCC and The Nest!

At MHCC/The Nest, we’re declaring March the first annual social media awareness month. This month, we will be addressing the harmful impacts of social media, ways to mitigate these impacts, healthy social media diet, and we will also be providing various recommendations for inspirational and informative social media accounts to follow.

            Social media has a deleterious impact on overall emotional well-being. Just scroll through the comments on any public image, video, or article circulating outside of your friend group, and I can guarantee it’s a parade of partially or ill-informed people bashing each other. Society seems to forget that human beings with actual feelings are reading this. Reacist, sexist, homo/transphobic comments about, making it difficult to speak up on issues that may be important to us or the ones we love.

            Social media, by-and-large, seems to squash individuality in favor of conformity to the status quo. People arguing in the comments sections appear hell-bent on conformity or trying to get other parties to think exactly as they do. There is no respectful discourse. Others try to set themselves apart as individuals, and when they go viral, the general public immediately sets to work at imitating or tearing down, rather than creating and being open to inspiration.

            People are less and less connected with each other, and I can’t tell you how many times I go out to restaurants and see entire families scrolling social media rather than connecting to and conversing with each other. It’s almost as if they don’t value each others’ time. We’re all a step removed from each other and use screens as an interface between ourselves and the world. This causes us to have increases in depression, due to unprecedented isolation, and anxiety if we can’t see exactly what others are doing all the time. Because we’re only exposed to the highlight reels in Instagram/Facebook/Snapchat stories, we assume the people behind those stories live those perfect lives 24/7. This creates an issue of comparing ourselves to others, especially celebrities, worse than ever before. Or, one of my favorites, the people with terrible boundaries who share every single moment of the day, when they would never share anything so ridiculous about themselves in the days before social media.

            My call to action for you this week is to take notice of the social media intake you have each day. How much time are you spending on social media apps and sites? How much time are you feeling like you’re really wasting on social media? What would you like to be doing instead? If you didn’t have social media for a whole year, what do you think you could accomplish? Is there a way to compromise? How do you feel about the main accounts you’re following- do they bring you closer to your goals? Journal on these questions, and try to find out exactly what you were looking to get out of following those accounts, and what you’re actually getting out of following them.

In Solidarity, 

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Questions to Ask Yourself to Find Out if Therapy/Coaching are Working For You

It can be challenging to let others in on your problems, goals, and your own perceived shortcomings in making them happen. Here is a small list of thought-provoking questions to help you determine if the process of therapy, or life coaching, is working for you.

 

Is this person hearing me?How do they show it? How do I perceive someone hearing me? Are their behaviors consistent with what I expect?

Is this person genuine? How do I find myself responding physically and emotionally to their energy?

Is this person aligning with/aware of my goals? What skills are they showing in helping me to get there?

Am I noticing changes in myself and the world?

Are their recommendations and support helping me to feel empowered outside of our sessions?

Do I feel as though I can safely share the most difficult moments of my life and the worst things I have ever believed about myself with this person? If not, what is it that feels like it’s getting in the way?

Can I be fully honest with this person?

Are they pushing me by challenging me, or are they just checking in and hearing me vent?  If the latter, is this because they want me to keep coming back for their own secondary gains, or is it because I’m hesitant to go deeper? What would help me feel safer to go deeper?

Is this person acting like they are more of an expert in my life than I am? Do I feel that they can recognize and value my strengths, skills, and struggles?It goes against most therapy and life coach teachings for the coach or therapist to act as if they are the expert in their clients’ daily lives and challenges, so if their ego is getting in the way of your work, it’s time to either confront them or find someone new.

What evaluations and methods are they using? Are they taking the time to properly educate me on them? How do I know they’re working?

How will I know that I have reached my goals?Are my own expectations and benchmarks matching up with theirs? Have we had this conversation?

Do they take the time to educate themselves on things that are important/relevant to me, or do they expect me to constantly be the one educating them?

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

What Do I Actually Need? Therapy vs. Coaching

There may be some confusion about how to get your needs met. You may be aware that you want help, but there is so much conflicting information available it can be hard to figure out where to turn. The over-simplified answer is: if you want to heal the past, get some therapy (which will identify the role your past is playing in the present, and is one way to heal and make changes). Coaching is a way to start making declarations and holding yourself accountable for a new way of showing up to the world- with support from someone who has expertise in a specific area.

To explain further, I am someone who does both. Often, my therapy clients have little insight into the patterns that are playing out in their daily lives. They just know their lives are beginning to feel increasingly out of their control, and that their symptoms are interfering with important areas of functioning. We have to spend a long time examining each small detail related to an issue, as it’s somewhat like a “breadcrumb” trail leading to the root of the problem. We then create therapy goals that are long-term, as well as smaller objectives to implement in effort to reach those goals. So, if I have a client whose main therapy goal is to stop experiencing trauma flashbacks, our objectives may look like: Identify and reprocess trauma memories using EMDR; build a strong coping skills repertoire; and identify a self-care regimen to decrease the likelihood of dissociation. Once we have achieved those goals, we either reassess and create new goals, or agree that the therapeutic relationship is complete and terminate accordingly. This is usually covered by health/behavioral health insurance plans.

Coaching is different. Life/relationship/business coaching is not a place to pick apart and try to heal old trauma. For starters, it’s more loose and free, so treatment plans and formal documentation are not necessary. As a result, insurance plans do not cover life/relationship/business coaching, but they may be tax deductible depending on many factors. Additionally, more of the “work” is done by the client. The life coach asks the client what they would like to spend their time focusing on, and asks a series of thought-provoking questions to help the client arrive at answers that lie within them. They help the client get out of their own heads if they can’t “see the forest for the trees.” Their questions are meant to inspire new thought and help the client incorporate new ways of thinking and approaching the world, their business, spirituality, and/or relationships.

Therapy is more focused on healing past issues, whereas coaching is more focused on supporting the client while they are taking more of the lead. Therefore, each session may have a very different focus in coaching, whereas in therapy/counseling sessions are directed by treatment plans. Coaching can also be used for accountability, but therapy/counseling has an ethical code when using therapy for this purpose while diagnosing and having active treatment plans- which are required for billing insurance.

I have two businesses where I do both. In my private practice, Mental Health Counseling & Consultation Services, LLC, I have a team of therapists who focus on clinical issues- therapy that requires diagnosis, treatment plans (very formal), insurance, therapy notes, and re-evaluation/updating of treatment plans every 90 days. Most of us focus on trauma of some sort and specialize in various types of treatment (such as EMDR). 

The life coaching business I own is called “The Nest Center for Coaching.” In my coaching business, I love to work with women who have processed their old trauma and given up their identity as someone who is ill or a victim, and need support in approaching the world as someone who is well or empowered. I also love to work with women who may have, as a result of early trauma, approached the world from a masculine perspective as a way of subconsciously identifying with those whom they view as more powerful than they are. They refuse to ever be victims again, so they are powerhouses at work but don’t understand why they don’t have the relationships/personal lives they feel they deserve.

I also love to support other clinicians as they move on from their graduate programs, make early moves in their careers, obtain their clinical licenses, and move toward private practice. There, we focus on niching and marketing as well as creating small, realistic plans the client feels are applicable to their daily lives. 

There are key differences between each of these fields, and it may seem that there is overlap between them (because there is). Point being, there are many different ways to receive the help you know you need, but first you may want to spend a little time being absolutely clear with yourself on what you need and the kind of help that would be most beneficial to you. Otherwise, there may be some confusion and a feeling of disappointment or hopelessness resulting from a mistaken belief that no one can help you!

If it sounds like my counseling practice may be able to help you, we do have immediate openings and lots of exciting events and groups happening throughout the year. Check out our website at www.mhccholistichealth.orgor email me directly at Rebecca@mhccholistichealth.hush.com. If my coaching services sound like they’re more your speed, visit my other website at www.nestcoaching.orgor email me directly at rebecca@nestcoaching.org

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Mindful Monday!

In last week’s Mindful Monday post, I shared a Time Magazine article about the benefits of yoga in regards to mental health. In keeping with that theme, I want to share another article this week about how to begin having a healthy relationship with your body again. This is especially important for clients who have a history of some sort of physical trauma, medical trauma, and chronic illness that can often create a disconnect from the body throughout the years. Enjoy, and hope this helps! If you, or someone you love, is trying to recover from trauma and heal your relationship with your body, contact us at MHCC! Email me directly for a referral at Rebecca@mhccholistichealth.hush.com!

https://consciousreminder.com/2017/04/01/how-to-heal-yourself-by-talking-to-your-body-your-cells-are-listening/?fbclid=IwAR0I2cqeeXZNqEdQU8Y20moxQs4VQHHx_N5OefSF6ZeqpdxJRM0TJzCjo_A

In Solidarity,

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Friday Feature: Lauri Weber, MFT, LADC

Does Addiction REALLY Affect The Family?

As a LADC and a Marriage and Family Therapist, specializing in addiction and families, I found this article Spot On!!! The devastation can be multigenerational whether its active addiction or a family history of addiction. The layers of anger, hurt, shame, guilt, resentment and depression (to name a few) run deep. Every family member can be affected differently, depending on their role and there are 6 of them:

Addict: Individual struggling with substance abuse live in a constant state of chaos. Alcohol becomes the primary way to cope with problems and difficult feelings, and in turn, he or she will stop at nothing to supply this need. As a result, they burn bridges, lie, and manipulate those around them. They isolate and angrily blame others for their problems. It comes as no surprise that their actions create negative effects for the entire family; they can’t seem to focus on anything other than the next drink.

Enabler: Deny, deny, deny – this is an enabler’s M.O. The goal of this role is to smooth things over within the family. In order to “protect” the family, enablers convince themselves that alcohol isn’t a problem and, in order to make light of a serious situation, they make excuses for their loved one’s behavior. While the enabler is most often a spouse, this role can also be taken on by a child.

Hero: The family hero is your typical Type A personality: a hard-working, overachieving perfectionist. Through his or her own achievements, the hero tries to bring the family together and create a sense of normalcy. This role is usually taken on by the eldest child, as they seek to give hope to the rest of the family. Unfortunately, a driving need to “do everything right” tends to put an extreme amount of pressure on the hero, leaving them highly anxious and susceptible to stress-related illnesses later in life.

Scapegoat: The scapegoat is just what you would expect: the one person who gets blamed for the whole family’s problems. This role tends to be taken on by the second oldest child; he or she offers the family a sense of purpose by providing someone else to blame. They voice the family’s collective anger, while shielding the addicted parent from a lot of blame and resentment. When scapegoats get older, males tend to act out in violence, while females often run away or participate in promiscuous sex.

Mascot: Think of the mascot as the class clown, always trying to deflect the stress of the situation by supplying humor. This role is usually taken on by the youngest child; they’re fragile, vulnerable, and desperate for the approval of others. Providing comic relief is also the mascot’s defense against feeling pain and fear himself. Mascots often grow up to self-medicate with alcohol, perpetuating the cycle of addiction.

Lost Child: The lost child role is usually taken on by the middle or youngest child. They’re shy, withdrawn, and sometimes thought of as “invisible” to the rest of the family. They don’t seek (or get) a lot of attention from other family members, especially when alcoholism is present within the family. Lost children put off making decisions, have trouble with forming intimate relationships, and choose to spend time on solitary activities as a way to cope.

 

In addition to these Roles, Claudia Black wrote about The Family Rules:

DON’T TALK, DON’T FEEL, DON’T TRUST!!!!

These rules are Very Covert and Rarely Spoken About!! Less they need to be as Addiction in the Family is similar to a Very Defined, Highly Orchestrated SILENT Dance. Each Family member has inherently learned when to step in, step out, bring in or let out another member. At any one moment their dance will consist of 2, 3 or more members. If you learn to look closely you will witness first hand negative feedback loops as well as first order change.

 

By The Fix staff 10/31/17

Alcohol and drug addiction can rot families from the inside. Many people never see it coming, either. Strong, seemingly unbreakable bonds can suddenly (and without warning) become soft, brittle and broken.

Addiction isn’t something that happens once and then it’s suddenly over and done with. Sadly, that’s just not how it works. It’s not isolated to one event, nor is it tied to a single person. Addiction can smolder or simmer for years, hidden and unacknowledged. Then again, it can also be a shockwave in how it destroys families, reverberating for many years to come. It’s important to understand not only the devastating effect that addiction has on families, but what options are available for family members to cope, survive and persevere. When someone is struggling with an addiction, they aren’t moving forward with their lives. They’re stuck in the same place. Truth be told, everyone around them is stuck, too. Addiction affects every single person in the family in different, unpredictable ways. 

Addiction is a disease that doesn’t just affect the person who has it, but absolutely everyone it comes in contact with. It’s as swift as it is patient. Addiction causes instability and uncertainty at every turn, and it can be maddening to try reaching a sense of normalcy.

More often than not, addiction has taken up a lot of time, energy, and attention—so much so that the family becomes a distant priority. As a result, family members can feel resentful, angry, neglected, hurt or, sometimes, jealous of the drug or the drink. Unfortunately, addiction can have the greatest effect on children, damaging them psychologically and emotionally. The effects of alcohol and drug abuse on children can last the rest of their lives, which has a direct impact on everything from their education to their social stability. Homes hit with addiction are unhappy homes. There can be no rules and little to no consistency. Children raised by parents with alcoholism or addiction aren’t just confused and hurt: studies show that they often turn to substance abuse in order to escape their own lives, which only serves to make the problem worse. In other words, addiction can be a never-ending downward spiral for everyone involved.

Marriages don’t escape the blast zone of addiction, either. Many spouses find themselves neglected and ignored when their loved one is drinking or using. It doesn’t help that many people with addiction tend to isolate themselves from everyone and everything. They also sometimes find connections, relationships and satisfaction outside the marriage, which only complicates things—often leading to separation and divorce.

Despite vows to work “through sickness and health,” many marriages just can’t survive the destruction of addiction. For many people, there’s no going back to the way things were before the drinking and drugging started. In those cases, it’s about picking up the pieces and figuring out what there is left to work with, if anything at all.

Addiction also has a very literal cost, too, in that families usually experience great financial strain due to the disease. People in the grip of alcoholism or addiction won’t let anything stand between them and a drink or a drug, so the financial toll can spiral out of control until there’s no coming back. It’s also common for families to be torn apart when someone loses their job thanks to an addiction. Many families get caught in bankruptcy, foreclosure or losing their life savings in order to support a loved one’s addiction.

When it comes right down to it, it’s staggering to discover the negative impact one person can have on so many people. And it’s also important to consider that someone else’s addiction doesn’t affect everyone equally. Family therapy focuses on educating everyone in the family, both young and old, about the disease of addiction and how they can address the problems so they can move toward a place of healing. If nothing else, family therapy isn’t about becoming normal again. It’s about finding a new “normal” and reaching a collective place of calm, peace, and surrender. 

 

Lauri Weber, MFT, LADC is a substance abuse and trauma therapist who specializes in working with addiction and its impact on couples and families. To get in touch with Lauri, contact her at Lauri@mhccholistichealth.hush.com!

Lauri Weber, MFT, LADC is a substance abuse and trauma therapist who specializes in working with addiction and its impact on couples and families. To get in touch with Lauri, contact her at Lauri@mhccholistichealth.hush.com!

Copy of Copy of NEW GROUPS ALERT!

Lauri Weber, MFT, LADC is thrilled to be running mini-groups! These will be educational groups intended to provide resources, recommendations, and direction for adults whose loved ones are struggling with substance abuse. There will be a separate group each for those whose loved ones are adults, and another for those whose loved ones are youths are emerging adults. If you or someone you love is struggling to set boundaries and create real change within your loved one struggling with substance abuse, or you just want to be in a safe community of others who also experience this within their own personal lives, we would love to have you! Space for each groups is limited! $40 per person, per group. There’s also the added option for ongoing groups, depending on feedback from these groups! Get in touch with Lauri today at Lauri@mhccholistichealth.hush.com to secure your spot! Lauri is also accepting referrals for individual treatment sessions if you’re unable to make groups!

TODAY IS THE LAST DAY TO CONTACT LAURI TO BE REGISTERED! GET IN TOUCH TODAY!

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www.mhccholistichealth.org.png

Seasonal Affective Disorder Part IV: Hygge!

I am so beyond excited for this part, I’ve actually been looking forward to writing and sharing it for some time. I’m going to have to reign myself in and not ramble on, because I’ve so fallen in love with many aspects of the Hygge lifestyle (especially during those long, dark winter months). 

 

Basically, hygge (pronounced “hoo-gah”) is a Danish word and lifestyle, meaning an acknowledgement of a feeling or moment alone or with loved ones, at home or out, as cozy, charming, or special. What the lifestyle has come to mean in recent years is basically the art of getting cozy, in the present moment, and soaking up the warm and positive feeling. While hygge is a mindset to work towards, it does encourage us to think about what actions to take, as well as people and objects to surround ourselves with, in order to feel as cozy and internally warm as possible. 

 

This is the time to indulge in warm, soft sweaters, cozy sweatpants and blankets, muted lighting, cozy socks or slippers, warm and tasty beverages (like my new favorite mushroom vegan hot cocoa), and even a nice mug to drink from.

 

This is the time to enjoy those books you’ve been meaning to read, take on self-improvement projects you’ve been wanting to work on, and to turn inward to find ways to be more comfortable with one-on-one time with yourself.

 

It’s also an excellent time to reconnect with friends and family on a more intimate level. Consider having or attending a small gathering for coffee, a glass of wine, book club, cookie swap, a crochet/quilting group, a card game, or any other activity to help you feel more connected to yourself and others. 

 

Other ideas to connect with a hygge lifestyle: 

            -Bring the outdoors in! This is a major tenet of hygge, because often it’s too cold/dark/the weather is too bad to enjoy nature the way we normally do. As humans, we’re hard-wired to respond positively to nature. Plants recycle energy and oxygen and remind you that things are alive, especially in those late winter months when we’re tired of looking outside at things that appear to be dead or dormant. Add some small plants to your indoor décor where you will see them every day! I also like to have rocks from some favorite places I’ve visited (looking at you, Block Island!), birch coasters, and flowers. It may not seem like much, but nature has a major positive effect on the psyche!

            - Get a fire going or turn up the heat! I have a small space heater that has a faux flame in my office, which adds to the coziness factor, along with the quilts on the walls. Just make sure you’re aware of fire hazards! Sitting next to a fire reading, journaling, or connecting with loved ones feels incredibly intimate and is guaranteed to raise your spirits! Weighted blankets offer warmth and slight pressure that can be extremely comforting for many people, and can even lead to better sleep according to one of my friends who uses one.

 

Since we’re talking about intimacy, it’s time to de-clutter your space. This will help you feel more organized and relaxed, rather than chaotic and trapped inside. What can you get rid of? What is in your way or no longer serving you? If you haven’t used or worn something in six months, is there someone who may get more benefit from it? 

 

It’s also suggested in this Mental Floss article ( http://mentalfloss.com/article/91378/10-ways-master-danish-art-hygge-your-home ) to surround yourself with things that are meaningful to you, rather than mass-produced items. So if you’re reaching for a soft blanket, why not try to make one? Or maybe cover yourself in an afghan or quilt made by a loved one? The item will be associated with memories, which will feel much cozier and more nostalgic.

 

The Mental Floss article further suggests that sharing meals in the winter is an intimate practice that everyone involved benefits from. Have your friends over for a small meal and some warm drinks, or meet them out at a cozy, intimate restaurant with muted lighting, soft music, and a hearty seasonal menu. Put your phones on “Do Not Disturb” and really commit to spending time connecting!

 

Once you start incorporating some of these hacks into your lifestyle, you’ll see why they’re so popular and how the practices can help you to overcome some of the symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder. Who knows? You may even find yourself adopting these practices year-round!

 

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.