Copy of Self-Care Guilt- How Does it Impact You?

I’m storytelling in this one, in hopes that some of you may be able to identify some harmful patterns in your own lives that you’re absolutely able to take control of now!

So, in last week’s blog post we discussed the difference between self-love and self-care. Today I want to piggyback on those ideas and discuss the unspoken guilt about self-care in our society.

            I don’t know about you, but I know that in the past when I’ve needed a day off from work or school for the purpose of preserving my own mental health, I’ve had to lie. Is it not just as important to ensure that my mind and spirit are healthy, the way I would need to ensure my body was healthy before returning to life as usual after the flu or a cold? I recall never being able to understand this even as a teenager, and was disappointed to see that it carried through my years in college, graduate school, and every job I’ve ever had (even while working in the mental health field!). While I certainly had some bosses who would have been more than understanding if I had just said I needed a mental health day (and some were- one would even set an example and take a mental health day now and again), I still had coworkers, clients, or upper-level administration whom would not have been so gracious. This often made me feel as though I needed validation from others that I was “ill enough” to justify missing a shift at work. This got me thinking- why should I be putting work ahead of my own well-being, especially when I’m preaching self-care to my clients?

            This is the depth of disregard for mental health and self-care our work has. I know everyone’s experience is their own, but I’ll go ahead and use myself as an example hoping that others can relate. The day-to-day reality of internalized shame patterns around my own self-care looked something like this: 

·     Ignore and repress my own feelings until they reached a boiling point, at which time I would have a meltdown. This would often result in me not taking good care of myself until I got sick or injured, which was essentially my body trying to get my attention and tell me I needed to slow down.

·     Completely shut down for a day or two, because I couldn’t focus on anything else, but I wasn’t doing anything to recharge either.

·     While I was in that shut down state, I wasn’t even able to fully recharge my battery because I was vacillating between checking out and being anxious about the things I wasn’t doing because I just didn’t have the energy or mental capacity. My body, mind, and soul felt completely separate from each other and I had no clue how to begin bringing them back together and restoring a sense of normalcy. I thus would sink further into helplessness, which just made me want to shut down more. It would also take significantly more energy to repress whatever emotions were coming up, which they were more often because I was so burnt out.

·      I thus became irritable, and got to a point where I didn’t know what to do with myself outside of work. I allowed people to treat me in ways I didn’t deserve to be treated, because I was too exhausted and shut off from myself to demand or seek something better. The actions of those people just reinforced my belief that something was wrong with me. And guess what? Something WAS wrong with me. Guilt and negative self-beliefs were getting in the way of engaging in useful, productive self-care.

 

With a significant amount of my own work in therapy and dharma school, meeting with life and business coaches, biting the bullet and getting out of toxic work environments and into self-employment, a daily yoga practice, breaks from social media, reading, audiobooks/podcasts, and regular journaling and meditation, I’ve been able to engage in much better self-care. But it was not overnight, and it was in spite of the cultural messages I was receiving about self-care both at work and outside of work. To most of my friends throughout my twenties, “self-care” looked like thinly veiled binge drinking or just checking out on Netflix for hours and taking naps. While these things can sometimes help us shut our brains off to recharge, I couldn’t do it all the time. I knew I needed more.

            This is an invitation to you to pay attention to your own self-care: is it actually recharging you? What messages are your receiving in your daily life about self-care? Are they congruent with your values around self-care? While it’s certainly noble to work hard and make ends meet, there’s no glory in completely draining yourself and becoming irritable and reactive towards the people around you, or withdrawing into victimhood. This means you’re hurting people by lashing out at them, and hurting the community by not sharing your gifts.

            If you’re a woman who is local to Central CT and want to change your self-care, January 2019 is the time for you! I will be running a six-week Goddess group designed around the Goddess archetypes, how they apply to the modern woman, and how women can come together in community. We will specifically be addressing how self-care guilt is culturally passed on to women in the USA, and how to make small mindset/realistic lifestyle changes to live a life connected to purpose. If you’re interested in learning more, please contact me directly at rebecca@mhccholistichealth.hush.com.

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

June Essential Oil: Lavender and Journaling

By now you’ve probably heard a fair amount about essential oils and how they can be beneficial for a litany of ailments and daily needs. You’ve likely seen me talk about oils, especially in how they can aid in trauma recovery and emotional healing. There’s definitely a ton of information out there about essential oils, and it can be easy to feel overwhelmed and confused. 

 

I’d like to suggest some ways in which essential oils can be used to help trauma recovery and emotional wellness throughout this series, especially in conjunction with one of my favorite self-care practices- journaling!

 

If you’re on a path to emotional healing, it’s likely you’re doing some form of journaling practice. If not, it’s never too late to start! Get on my mailing list to access journal prompts, an intro to journaling delivered straight to your inbox, and for discounts on my ebooks and courses.

 

While you’re journaling, it’s wonderful to be engaging in some sort of aromatherapy to help you relax and access repressed thoughts, narratives, and emotions. My favorite oils to diffuse while journaling are lavender, clary sage, citrus bloom, or wild orange. My favorite oils to wear while journaling are Breathe Touch (on my forehead and cheeks), Lavender Touch behind my ears, and Whisper under my nose or on my wrists. The aromas unlock subconscious channels which can allow additional release of subconscious narratives which block our success.

 

Journaling with essential oils helps identify, purge, and feel comfortable with emotion and vulnerability, especially when lavender is involved. Concentration can be increased as well when oils are being diffused during a journaling and general self-care practice. When in a place of trauma reaction and fight/flight/freeze, no focus or learning can take place. The mechanisms in the brain responsible for learning and integrating new information actually shut down. Essential oils can help ground and remind you of your safety, and allow for deeper healing to naturally occur. You’re being supported by gifts from the earth.

 

If you want to learn more about using essential oils while journaling, stay tuned to my blog, join my mailing list, and reach out to me directly. My email is Rebecca@nestcoaching.org.

 

To purchase oils, click here.

 

To join a team of like-minded business owners bringing emotional healing through essential oils, contact me directly at the above listed email for an interview and onboarding!

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC   Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.    Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

June Essential Oil: Lavender, week 2!

Last week I touched on lavender and the benefits it can offer to someone on a trauma recovery journey. Lavender is wonderful to use on its own- it can be added to any skincare regimen, diffused, and even added to teas or water. But there are also many benefits to mixing it with certain other oils to really amplify healing, concentration, and wellness.

DoTERRA has spent years researching and curating several such blends for specific purposes. I’ll be going through some of the ones which contain lavender and are likely to help anyone who is taking on a wellness and self-care initiative.

Aromatouch

This oil is a wonderful blend for coming back into the body after a long period of dissociation, checking out, or generally feeling disconnected from the body. It’s also great if you’re working on forming a better relationship with your body after years of self-injury, negative self-talk, or other forms of self-abuse. It’s doTERRA’s proprietary blend of cypress, peppermint, lavender, marjoram, grapefruit, and lavender. DoTERRA recommends using it for massage as it can help relieve physical tension and increase physical and emotional flexibility.

Massage, especially when trauma-informed, can also be an excellent way to attend to and form a relationship with your body. The release of physical tension allows for relaxation and sends messages to the brain that you are safe and it’s time to “rest and digest.” This is the opposite of “fight or flight mode.” If you’re experiencing tension in the same consistent areas of your body, this is a great blend to apply topically. You can even diffuse it to release tension in your environment.

Clarycalm

This blend is wonderful for so many reasons and is one of my absolute favorites. I’ll probably write a full blog post about it someday, but for now I’ll try to keep it brief. First of all, this blend is wonderful for hormonal support and easing painful cramping which can occur at certain points of a woman’s menstrual cycle.

I also love it because it can support pregnancy and child delivery- while it won’t be a total painkiller, it can help tap into maternal instincts. It permits emotional vulnerability and brings out inner feminine strength, energy, and intuition. If you’re trying to feel safe and strong in your vulnerability and feminine energy, this blend can be great for you- no matter your gender. This can lead to greater empathy and deeper connections to others. It creates a sense of strong vulnerability which can lead to deep emotional intimacy between partners, friends, family members, and even mothers and their newborn babies. It contains lavender, clary sage, ylang ylang, bergamot, chamomile, cedarwood, geranium, fennel, carrot seed, palmarosa, and vitex.

 

Past Tense

This blend is excellent for headache relief, because of its ability to help release stress and emotional tension. It helps the body remember how to relax, so that deeper emotional work can be done and fears can be released. According to Essential Emotions, LLC, “past tense can calm severe stress, soothe trauma, and bring balance to the body and energy system.”

I love this blend because it’s one of the few that’s directly intended to balance out the inner masculine energy in anyone of any gender. It allows the user to return to “neutral” after periods of overwork (which is an over-indulgence in masculine energy). This balance can only be achieved with daily practice, however. Using this blend alone will not bring this sense of balance. You must be making conscious effort to relax and balance your energy through journaling, meditating, exercise, yoga, skincare, stretching, being in nature, etc. It’s a cooling blend of wintergreen, peppermint, lavender, frankincense, cilantro, marjoram, Roman Chamomile, basil, and rosemary.

Peace

Like its name suggests, this blend is a wonderful tool for helping people feel connected to their Highest Selves and their sense of spirituality. “Without true peace, there is a human tendency to try to manufacture peace by controlling one’s environment and relationships. Especially when one feels afraid, it is tempting to try to control others because it gives an artificial sense of order and safety.”

This blend, combined with a regular self-care practice, can help achieve acceptance and release from the lack of balance and peace that comes with trying to control situations which are frightening, triggering, or beyond our control. This can help trauma survivors accept that the past is over, they are currently safe, and that they can achieve peace and symptom relief by leaning into emotions and patterns as part of their self-care routines. This blend contains vetiver, lavender, ylang ylang, frankincense, clary sage, marjoram, labdanum, and spearmint.

There are countless blends that you can also create to suit your individual needs. As you can see, I love talking about essential oils and emotional wellness. I’d be thrilled to discuss your essential oil needs with you, and I’d love to hear feedback about how you’re incorporating them into your self-care.

To contact me directly, email me at Rebecca@nestcoaching.org

To purchase oils, click here.

To join my team of badass business owners on a mission of emotional healing, click here.

Be Well!

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC   Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.    Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

NEW CLINICAL SUPERVISION GROUP!

I’m so excited to announce:

We’ll be discussing cases, doing some mock case formulations and diagnostic exercises, working on treatment planning, and sharing resources amongst new or incumbent master’s-level counseling graduates!

Sessions will be monthly, via Zoom (you’re also welcome to come to my office if you’re local and it’s convenient for you). No commitment required, however prospective members must apply by emailing me directly.

I’m hoping to keep group numbers around 6-8, so I’m expecting spots to fill up quickly! Reserve your spot today!

NEW CLINICAL SUPERVISION GROUP!

I’m so excited to announce:

We’ll be discussing cases, doing some mock case formulations and diagnostic exercises, working on treatment planning, and sharing resources amongst new or incumbent master’s-level counseling graduates!

Sessions will be monthly, via Zoom (you’re also welcome to come to my office if you’re local and it’s convenient for you). No commitment required, however prospective members must apply by emailing me directly.

I’m hoping to keep group numbers around 6-8, so I’m expecting spots to fill up quickly! Reserve your spot today!

June Oil of the Month: Lavender!

I’m so excited to be able to talk to you all each week about essential oils and how they can have a profound impact on trauma recovery and emotional wellness. This month, I want to focus on the “king” of all essential oils- lavender! It’s so versatile- it can help with cuts and burns, cleaning, and tons of household uses.

For the sake of staying aligned with my purpose, I want to focus mostly on using essential oils for emotional healing and trauma recovery. I’ll likely touch on the other uses of essential oils at some point in my blogging journey, but that’s because I’m a holistic health practitioner who also recognizes the need for general self-care.

Lavender is known for its calming benefits. According to Sayorwan W., et al, lavender can reduce blood pressure, heart rate, and skin temperature. This can greatly decrease nervous system arousal by using the olfactory glands to stimulate the amygdala. Amygdala stimulation sends a message to activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which is the mechanism in the brain which allows you to calm down after your brain has detected a threat and responded with the fight-or-flight response. The fight-or-flight response is ultimately activated by the amygdala as well, so it’s easy to see why aromatherapy, especially lavender essential oil, is so beneficial for grounding when a trauma survivor is triggered.

Isn’t it gorgeous?!

Isn’t it gorgeous?!

According to Essential Emotions, LLC, people become disconnected from themselves due to trauma and trying to manage the brain’s response to trauma. If you are working to improve communication and connect to yourself in a deeper way, lavender can be a wonderful supplement to support your practice. I can’t stress enough that these oils are not magic cure-alls; they’re also not “snake oil.” The onus is still on the user to be doing other things, such as meditating, journaling, therapy/coaching, and exercise/yoga which will allow for this healing to take place. Essential oils in general, but especially lavender, can be grounding and calming while going into this deep healing work.

If you are someone with a lengthy history of not expressing yourself for fear of rejection or shame, there’s a strong chance (sometimes, but not always) that you may have some attachment trauma and learned this from interactional patterns in your childhood. Lavender is wonderful for calming the internal chatter you’re experiencing enough so that you can heal these wounds, feel confident, and love yourself in the way you’ve been longing to.

If you want to learn more about doing this healing work, contact me for a coaching consultation at Rebecca@nestcoaching.org!

If you’re interested in purchasing lavender or other essential oils to incorporate into your healing journey, click here.

Next week, I’ll be discussing some of doTERRA’s blends which contain lavender and why they are beneficial to emotional healing and trauma recovery. If you’re on a wellness journey, you can’t miss it!

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC   Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.    Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Essential Oils and Trauma Recovery

I tried to come up with a clear and succinct way of putting this information out there, but I just couldn’t do it any better than Kim Saeed. So I’m linking you to her article here for some of the science and recommendations of specific essential oils. I’ll be focusing each month on a doTERRA essential oil single oil or blend, and different ways in which the oil can be used for trauma recovery and emotional healing. Thought I would use Ms. Saeed’s awesome information as an introduction!

If you’re interested in ordering essential oils from me, click this link.

If you’re interested in applying to be part of my doTERRA team of empowered healers focusing on self-growth and self-care with the use of these incredible products from the earth, email me at rebecca@nestcoaching.org!

Tune in each month as I talk once a week about a specific oil and how it can be used to recover from trauma!

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC   Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.    Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

What Are Theta Waves?

What Are Theta Waves? 

Theta waves are a brain wave which occurs during sleep or deep meditation, dreaming, and creativity. Many spiritual experiences are believed to occur when theta waves are being emitted. It slows down brain activity, and when engaged they are believed to improve problem-solving, creativity, and physical relaxation. Theta is meant to take your brain out of its confines and let it roam freely, which is not conducive to concentration or completion of activities. However, you may be able to retain information better in theta, if you can maintain some level of awareness. There are beliefs that subliminal language tapes may have some success in theta, as can language repetition tapes.

So how can you access theta, and harness its properties? It starts with a meditation and a willingness to stop wrestling your brain for control. I like to go on YouTube and search “theta wave meditations” or “binaural beats” and play meditations while getting comfortable and being willing to just follow my brain wherever it chooses to go. You should remain as open as possible to creativity and spirituality- it may be fun or relaxing to choose a guided meditation and see what information your mind yields. I am including links for some of my favorite meditations at the end of this blog. This is the time to try shamanic journeying or astral travel if you have a supportive spiritual practice and are familiar with doing so safely. Or, you can enjoy a sound bath and feel relaxing energy pulsing through your body as you drift to sleep (I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS IN PERSON IF YOU CAN FIND A SOUND HEALER NEAR YOU!). My suggestion is to save this for the end of the day, after everything is done, and give yourself plenty of time to feel the benefits. This isn’t something I would encourage doing while driving or during the middle of the day when you may still have to get things done. 

Try adding theta wave relaxation to your daily self-care routine this week, and see what benefits you notice! I would love to hear all about it from you! Contact me directly at rebecca@Mhccholistichealth.hush.com(clinical therapy) or rebecca@nestcoaching.org(life coaching)!

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

https://youtu.be/ugOQMCP8C00

https://youtu.be/w6sbrmcrSuo

https://youtu.be/aP4Fz_8j1as

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

NEW CLINICAL SUPERVISION GROUP!

I’m so excited to announce:

We’ll be discussing cases, doing some mock case formulations and diagnostic exercises, working on treatment planning, and sharing resources amongst new or incumbent master’s-level counseling graduates!

Sessions will be monthly, via Zoom (you’re also welcome to come to my office if you’re local and it’s convenient for you). No commitment required, however prospective members must apply by emailing me directly.

I’m hoping to keep group numbers around 6-8, so I’m expecting spots to fill up quickly! Reserve your spot today!

When People Show You Who They Are, Pay Attention!

“When people show you who they are, pay attention.” This is a simple line that means that we often work to see the best in others, sometimes at the expense of ourselves. We ignore the very real and valid feelings we may have about the way others are treating us. We allow ourselves to be taken advantage of, ignore our intuition, and become resentful. 

This is your invitation to ask yourself where this tendency to ignore your intuition came from. Why do you feel the need to always give others the benefit of the doubt? How can you tell they’re deserving? What if some people just aren’t respectful of you and therefore are deserving of a strong dose of reality, so that they can grow? What if that doesn’t mean anything about you or them, and you’re allowed to speak up or not be so damn accommodating all the time?

Lisa Nicholls, personal empowerment guru, tells us we need to show the world how to love us. It’s our job to be the first example of how people should be treating us and how they should behave around us. What message is it sending if you accept less than you deserve? What is your bare minimum expectation for how the ones you love or value most to treat you? How does this differ from how you are willing to treat yourself? What’s a better way to show the world how to love you, and what are the barriers to making that happen? How do you show you how to love you, and how does that carry over into the rest of the world?

If you need help learning to love yourself, and learning to show the world how to love you, please reach out to me directly at either rebecca@nestcoaching.org(for coaching support) or rebecca@mhccholistichealth.hush.comfor more formal psychotherapy (which can be covered by insurance depending on your individual benefits).

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

NEW CLINICAL SUPERVISION GROUP!

I’m so excited to announce:

We’ll be discussing cases, doing some mock case formulations and diagnostic exercises, working on treatment planning, and sharing resources amongst new or incumbent master’s-level counseling graduates!

Sessions will be monthly, via Zoom (you’re also welcome to come to my office if you’re local and it’s convenient for you). No commitment required, however prospective members must apply by emailing me directly.

I’m hoping to keep group numbers around 6-8, so I’m expecting spots to fill up quickly! Reserve your spot today!

What is Holism?

Holism is a word that is starting to sound like some sort of fad, and it doesn’t seem very clear other than the fact that it flies in the face of some Western treatment models. I hope to provide some actually useful information to help you decide what holism looks like in your life.

 

According to Dictionary.com, holism is “the theory that parts of a whole are in intimate interconnection, such that they cannot exist independently of the whole, or cannot be understood without reference to the whole, which is thus regarded as greater than the sum of its parts. Holism is often applied to mental states, language, and ecology. In medicine: the treating of the whole person, taking into account mental and social factors, rather than just the physical symptoms of a disease.”

 

This is a term that is starting to become popular in behavioral health treatment as the USA begins to recognize a need to integrate the various, interwoven components of health to understand and conceptualize symptoms/complaints/health in a newer, more complete way. It often means that providers are looking to meet the client where they are at, whether that means wanting/needing western medications, and doing whatever they can to help the client heal themselves. This can mean, in behavioral health, having conversations about spiritual health as well as mental/emotional/physical, and exhausting all options before referring clients for medication evaluations, unless they require such. It means providers are challenging themselves to collaborate with clients on mental, emotional, spiritual, physical, and financial levels to ensure optimal health and healing. It may mean energy healing, spiritual healing, acupuncture, referrals for massage/non-traditional therapies, dietary changes, and encouraging a yoga/meditation/sound healing regimen. It may sound like “woo woo” therapies, or considering some of the medicinal uses of cannabis/CBD oil/vitamins/herbs, consulting astrological charts, or self-help books as well to supplement. 

 

If you’re not sure what holism looks like for you, contact me directly! We can have a discussion about what you feel is missing, and whether counseling or coaching can help fill those gaps.

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Copy of NEW CLINICAL SUPERVISION GROUP!

I’m so excited to announce:

We’ll be discussing cases, doing some mock case formulations and diagnostic exercises, working on treatment planning, and sharing resources amongst new or incumbent master’s-level counseling graduates!

Sessions will be monthly, via Zoom (you’re also welcome to come to my office if you’re local and it’s convenient for you). No commitment required, however prospective members must apply by emailing me directly.

I’m hoping to keep group numbers around 6-8, so I’m expecting spots to fill up quickly! Reserve your spot today!

May Oil of the Month! Cypress!

CYPRESS! DoTERRA’s oil of the month this month is Cypress! I’m excited about it because I’ve been wanting to learn more about it myself, and I just placed my monthly order which means I get it for free in addition to my order! 

According to my reading from Emotions and Essential Oils, Cypress is believed to create an energetic flow and emotional catharsis. This is exciting because it’s a necessary component of trauma healing and a huge area of focus with my coaching clients. According to the book, “this oil is especially indicated for individuals who are mentally or emotionally stuck, stiff, rigid, tense, overstriving, or have perfectionistic tendencies.” This attempt to control is due to fear of surrender- in my coaching practice I work specifically with clients through shamanic healing, energy work, and essential oils to help clients see that surrender is beautiful, freeing, and often allows for creative energy to flow through! The result is more fulfillment and less fear and anxiety. 

If you’re interested in seeing how Cypress or any of my other favorite oils can be helpful in your journey to emotional wellness, contact me at Rebecca@nestcoaching.orgto set up your free, 30-minute Zoom consultation! Essential Oil consultations are also an optional component of all coaching and energy healing sessions with me, and I have a few spots left for this month before I leave for Peru! Get on my calendar today!

Oh and don’t forget to place your orders for essential oils by the 15th- If you order 125 PV as part of a loyalty order before the 15th of each month, you’ll receive the product of the month free! And if you want monthly business coaching by me FOR FREE, you can apply to join my team of energy and emotional healers! To order, visit my.doterra.com/rebeccatoner1 and to apply to be on my team, email me directly!

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC   Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.    Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

NEW CLINICAL SUPERVISION GROUP!

I’m so excited to announce:

We’ll be discussing cases, doing some mock case formulations and diagnostic exercises, working on treatment planning, and sharing resources amongst new or incumbent master’s-level counseling graduates!

Sessions will be monthly, via Zoom (you’re also welcome to come to my office if you’re local and it’s convenient for you). No commitment required, however prospective members must apply by emailing me directly.

I’m hoping to keep group numbers around 6-8, so I’m expecting spots to fill up quickly! Reserve your spot today!

How to Supercharge Your Growth in Between Sessions!

Therapy and coaching both require the client do some healvy lifting outside of sessions, in very different ways. Reality is, those appointments are 60-90 minutes at most, and it’s really hard to cram everything from the last 1-2 or several weeks into such a small amount of time.

It’s definitely helpful to spend some time before your appointment thinking about what you want to work on so that you can make the best use of your session. It’s also a great idea to take notes in your session (sometimes I’m even nice enough to do this for my clients if it means they stay in the moment and keep processing but will need to refer back to something later on). If in therapy, you can ask your therapist for homework or use your notes to expand on your processing between sessions.

If you’re working with a coach, your coach should be asking thought-provoking questions that help you generate an action plan for your own self. They should also be providing accountability and encouragement, and helping you to decide how you will reach out for support if needed. Some people choose to work with both a therapist and a coach at the same time for an extra opportunity to grow in different ways. 

I’m also a big fan of journaling (for myself and for my clients) in between sessions. I like to track my own progress, and journaling does help me reveal new insights. Sometimes, it’s also nice to refer back to old journal entries to see how far I’ve come and keep me moving into new directions. As a therapist, I love it when my clients bring in their journals to read off what they processed that felt significant, as it amplifies therapeutic growth and sometimes gives great material for us to process in session if needed.

I encourage clients to journal at both of my businesses. I encourage them to pick a thought and follow it for at least 10-15 minutes, to see what they get and to go below the surface a little. I invite them to explore what may be bothering them and what they notice happening to their bodies, why that information is relevant, and what they plan to do with what they’ve learned. I also direct them with journal questions or takeaway thought-provoking statements from our sessions where doing so is appropriate and helpful. For some clients, I encourage Pinterest or journal prompt books such as “Practice You,” “List Yourself,” and “The Life Organizer.”

I hope this is helpful in getting you inspired to journal, write, and take control of your own growth both in sessions and outside of sessions.

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Copy of NEW CLINICAL SUPERVISION GROUP!

I’m so excited to announce:

We’ll be discussing cases, doing some mock case formulations and diagnostic exercises, working on treatment planning, and sharing resources amongst new or incumbent master’s-level counseling graduates!

Sessions will be monthly, via Zoom (you’re also welcome to come to my office if you’re local and it’s convenient for you). No commitment required, however prospective members must apply by emailing me directly.

I’m hoping to keep group numbers around 6-8, so I’m expecting spots to fill up quickly! Reserve your spot today!

March is Social Media Awareness Month- Week 4

I’d like to wrap up our First Annual Social Media Awareness Month with a list of fun, inspirational social media accounts to follow for positivity or just plain fun!

Instagram:

@soulshineastrology

@gypsyon_

@annacardosoyoga

@prettyandwell

@naturechola

@sophie.jaffe

Facebook:

Pero Like

GoodTherapy

The Gottman Institute

Psychology Today

The Onion

The Animal Rescue Site

Awaken Self & Love

Naughty Shaman

The Red Barn in Durham

The Trauma Project

Thinking Minds

Humans of New York

Unfortunately, I rarely use Pinterest for these purposes (mostly just recipes and hairstyles to be honest), and I have never had a Twitter account, so I can’t offer very many social media accounts that would be useful there but feel free to comment and add your own! I love adding to the list of resources!

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

March is Social Media Awareness Month- Week 3

The last two weeks I have been talking about many of the negative aspects of social media, including harmful comments people make, comparing ourselves to other people’s highlight reels, and being inauthentic with our own social media personas. We have challenged ourselves to be more mindful with how we use social media. There are also many gifts that social media can offer us. I am connected to many professional groups related to my various fields though Facebook, and I learn so many new things every day. I find myself inspired by the relatively easy connection to other professionals in my field, who have such fantastic ideas. I also have a personal Instagram account, and I love it for the fact that I can curate most of the content I see and I can be open to all kinds of different inspiration from yoga accounts, silly comedy accounts, artistic accounts, music accounts, etc.

So this week, I want to challenge you to think about the accounts you’re following. Are they inspiring you? Are they leading you down a road that feels like it’s worth your time? If not, what can you get rid of? What do you want to make room for? What emotions are being evoked when you see this content? What do you feel in your body when taking in this content? How will it impact the way you connect with the physical world? If you don't have a car or positive answer for any of these, what would it take to stop following this content?

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

March is Social Media Awareness Month- Week 2

This week, in the spirit of the Social Media Awareness Month we’ve created for March, I want to discuss our individual social media personas. First, Dictionary.com defines “persona” as “the aspect of someone’s character that is presented to or perceived by others.” We all have different personas to get through our days- I think most of us can agree that we are different at work than at home or with our friends. With the advent of social media, it has become the norm to engage with the world from behind screens, picking and choosing the best parts of ourselves to show the world.

The result? We sit with our insecurities while we watch everyone’s highlight reels, taking the things they choose to share for the gospel truth, while comparing ourselves to everyone else. And other people probably aren’t trying to make anyone feel inferior, they’re just proud to show their cute selfie or their new house or car or baby or puppy. But the result is the same.

And don’t even get me started on public comments sections. People find any excuse to bash each other, and turn a mistake, grammatical error, or opinion into a judgement on that person as a whole (and it’s usually a negative one). It’s enough to scare anyone out of commenting or having any sort of opinion on anything. Throw in the misinformation that’s constantly tossed around, and it soon becomes hard to decipher what’s real and what’s not.

So this week, I want to invite you to be mindful of the social media persona you are cultivating through your shares and your comments. Are you being authentic? If not, why? How representative is your social media persona of your true life? Are you compensating for something? What is the intention behind what you’re sharing? Are you finding yourself arguing with or attacking people in the comments? Why? If you’re feeling attacked, what would help you feel better? Do you need to take a break from social media, or set limits with yourself around the time you spend on social media? Are you using it for an intended purpose, or is it just part of a routine/time filler? Is there something you’d rather be doing with that time instead?

I would love to hear your thoughts! If you need help breaking away from social media, or want to start turning your social media persona around to connect with people in a more authentic way, please feel free to reach out directly!

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.