March is Social Media Awareness Month- Week 4

I’d like to wrap up our First Annual Social Media Awareness Month with a list of fun, inspirational social media accounts to follow for positivity or just plain fun!

Instagram:

@soulshineastrology

@gypsyon_

@annacardosoyoga

@prettyandwell

@naturechola

@sophie.jaffe

Facebook:

Pero Like

GoodTherapy

The Gottman Institute

Psychology Today

The Onion

The Animal Rescue Site

Awaken Self & Love

Naughty Shaman

The Red Barn in Durham

The Trauma Project

Thinking Minds

Humans of New York

Unfortunately, I rarely use Pinterest for these purposes (mostly just recipes and hairstyles to be honest), and I have never had a Twitter account, so I can’t offer very many social media accounts that would be useful there but feel free to comment and add your own! I love adding to the list of resources!

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Questions to Ask Yourself to Find Out if Therapy/Coaching are Working For You

It can be challenging to let others in on your problems, goals, and your own perceived shortcomings in making them happen. Here is a small list of thought-provoking questions to help you determine if the process of therapy, or life coaching, is working for you.

 

Is this person hearing me?How do they show it? How do I perceive someone hearing me? Are their behaviors consistent with what I expect?

Is this person genuine? How do I find myself responding physically and emotionally to their energy?

Is this person aligning with/aware of my goals? What skills are they showing in helping me to get there?

Am I noticing changes in myself and the world?

Are their recommendations and support helping me to feel empowered outside of our sessions?

Do I feel as though I can safely share the most difficult moments of my life and the worst things I have ever believed about myself with this person? If not, what is it that feels like it’s getting in the way?

Can I be fully honest with this person?

Are they pushing me by challenging me, or are they just checking in and hearing me vent?  If the latter, is this because they want me to keep coming back for their own secondary gains, or is it because I’m hesitant to go deeper? What would help me feel safer to go deeper?

Is this person acting like they are more of an expert in my life than I am? Do I feel that they can recognize and value my strengths, skills, and struggles?It goes against most therapy and life coach teachings for the coach or therapist to act as if they are the expert in their clients’ daily lives and challenges, so if their ego is getting in the way of your work, it’s time to either confront them or find someone new.

What evaluations and methods are they using? Are they taking the time to properly educate me on them? How do I know they’re working?

How will I know that I have reached my goals?Are my own expectations and benchmarks matching up with theirs? Have we had this conversation?

Do they take the time to educate themselves on things that are important/relevant to me, or do they expect me to constantly be the one educating them?

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

What Do I Actually Need? Therapy vs. Coaching

There may be some confusion about how to get your needs met. You may be aware that you want help, but there is so much conflicting information available it can be hard to figure out where to turn. The over-simplified answer is: if you want to heal the past, get some therapy (which will identify the role your past is playing in the present, and is one way to heal and make changes). Coaching is a way to start making declarations and holding yourself accountable for a new way of showing up to the world- with support from someone who has expertise in a specific area.

To explain further, I am someone who does both. Often, my therapy clients have little insight into the patterns that are playing out in their daily lives. They just know their lives are beginning to feel increasingly out of their control, and that their symptoms are interfering with important areas of functioning. We have to spend a long time examining each small detail related to an issue, as it’s somewhat like a “breadcrumb” trail leading to the root of the problem. We then create therapy goals that are long-term, as well as smaller objectives to implement in effort to reach those goals. So, if I have a client whose main therapy goal is to stop experiencing trauma flashbacks, our objectives may look like: Identify and reprocess trauma memories using EMDR; build a strong coping skills repertoire; and identify a self-care regimen to decrease the likelihood of dissociation. Once we have achieved those goals, we either reassess and create new goals, or agree that the therapeutic relationship is complete and terminate accordingly. This is usually covered by health/behavioral health insurance plans.

Coaching is different. Life/relationship/business coaching is not a place to pick apart and try to heal old trauma. For starters, it’s more loose and free, so treatment plans and formal documentation are not necessary. As a result, insurance plans do not cover life/relationship/business coaching, but they may be tax deductible depending on many factors. Additionally, more of the “work” is done by the client. The life coach asks the client what they would like to spend their time focusing on, and asks a series of thought-provoking questions to help the client arrive at answers that lie within them. They help the client get out of their own heads if they can’t “see the forest for the trees.” Their questions are meant to inspire new thought and help the client incorporate new ways of thinking and approaching the world, their business, spirituality, and/or relationships.

Therapy is more focused on healing past issues, whereas coaching is more focused on supporting the client while they are taking more of the lead. Therefore, each session may have a very different focus in coaching, whereas in therapy/counseling sessions are directed by treatment plans. Coaching can also be used for accountability, but therapy/counseling has an ethical code when using therapy for this purpose while diagnosing and having active treatment plans- which are required for billing insurance.

I have two businesses where I do both. In my private practice, Mental Health Counseling & Consultation Services, LLC, I have a team of therapists who focus on clinical issues- therapy that requires diagnosis, treatment plans (very formal), insurance, therapy notes, and re-evaluation/updating of treatment plans every 90 days. Most of us focus on trauma of some sort and specialize in various types of treatment (such as EMDR). 

The life coaching business I own is called “The Nest Center for Coaching.” In my coaching business, I love to work with women who have processed their old trauma and given up their identity as someone who is ill or a victim, and need support in approaching the world as someone who is well or empowered. I also love to work with women who may have, as a result of early trauma, approached the world from a masculine perspective as a way of subconsciously identifying with those whom they view as more powerful than they are. They refuse to ever be victims again, so they are powerhouses at work but don’t understand why they don’t have the relationships/personal lives they feel they deserve.

I also love to support other clinicians as they move on from their graduate programs, make early moves in their careers, obtain their clinical licenses, and move toward private practice. There, we focus on niching and marketing as well as creating small, realistic plans the client feels are applicable to their daily lives. 

There are key differences between each of these fields, and it may seem that there is overlap between them (because there is). Point being, there are many different ways to receive the help you know you need, but first you may want to spend a little time being absolutely clear with yourself on what you need and the kind of help that would be most beneficial to you. Otherwise, there may be some confusion and a feeling of disappointment or hopelessness resulting from a mistaken belief that no one can help you!

If it sounds like my counseling practice may be able to help you, we do have immediate openings and lots of exciting events and groups happening throughout the year. Check out our website at www.mhccholistichealth.orgor email me directly at Rebecca@mhccholistichealth.hush.com. If my coaching services sound like they’re more your speed, visit my other website at www.nestcoaching.orgor email me directly at rebecca@nestcoaching.org

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Benefits of Group Work

When most people think of going into therapy or coaching, they may be assuming that the best work for them is on an individual-only basis. However, there is significant evidence to suggest that various types of group work can be beneficial and in fact lend extra support to supercharge whatever therapy/coaching goals the individual may have. Group work can even help uncover new goals that otherwise may have been overlooked on an individual basis. If you’ve ever thought about getting into group work, or perhaps someone in your life has suggested it at one time or another, here is some helpful information about the benefits!

            One of my favorite aspects of group work is the same thing that initially intimidated me and made me feel guarded about doing it. It’s the community connection. Whether it’s a trauma healing group, a spiritual group, a social skills group for kids, a twelve-step group, or a coaching group, everyone present is there for a reason. Not only are they seeking something for themselves as individuals, but they were brought there by their own spiritual intervention for their own healing. When I attended Dharma School, I was scared as hell of sharing my story and the worst things I’ve ever believed about myself in front of a room full of strangers. But it was a requirement, and I trusted the process so I did it. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. For the first time, I allowed myself to be cradled by fellow healing souls who all showed up authentically to heal as well. I also got a chance to help and witness them in their own healing journey, which only amplified the power of my experience. According to Erica Wilcox, owner of Wilcox Wellness, LLC and leader of a women’s trauma recovery group, When a group of trauma survivors gather together for the purpose recovery, it is their unspeakable pain that initially binds them together. It is like being a part of a secret club that nobody wants to be a part of, but yet they are.They gather in their vulnerability, their bravery, their hurt.  There is a deep knowing and connection between trauma survivors that is also unspeakable. A profound dichotomy takes place at the start of any trauma recovery group. Silence is what perpetuates their pain yet it i It is their silence that also initially connects them.They know, "Me Too".  They must honor, hold space and bear witness to the pain in order to create purpose out of it so that they then can begin to re-write the story. Then, a  beautifully powerful shift starts to root itself. When they can put words their experience and know, I mean TRULY KNOW. that they are not alone, this becomes the new normal because, afterall, knowledge is power. And the power of knowing that you are not alone, that what you have experienced was indeed trauma, that your trauma is valid, that that there is hope for healing, , then, beautiful soul, then you can rebuild. Their trust in themselves and others can be restored and their lives can be renewed.” (You should check out her group, she’s amazing! Her website is www.wilcoxwellness.com)

            The sense of community in a group allows members to feel held and also to do the holding, You are a valuable, skilled individual just looking for a community of similar people to bond with- we all are. You have incredible insights and skills to offer. Group work allows you to do this!

            In a group setting, you may also learn about yourself while someone else is processing or discussing something you may not have thought to consider. For example, if you’re more of an intellectual thinker, they may approach the same topic in a very different and thought-provoking way. You may also present a practical and intellectual approach to something others may not have considered.

            Groups are also microcosms of the world at large. Conflicts that may arise between members (which is a majorly POSITIVE thing when handled correctly by the facilitator) provide a chance for two or more members to pause, consider their thoughts/feelings, communicate, and be heard. A skilled group leader will help the situation rather than allow members to berate and abuse one another, and will use the tool of conflict to help promote everyone’s healing.

            There are countless other benefits depending on the type of group and the members of it, as well as the structure of the group. The best advice I can give is to educate yourself about the group you’re considering or that is being recommended, and assess how it lines up with your values and goals.  I also strongly encourage you to talk with the facilitators and give it a try!

            In January, I will be running a women’s Goddess group, which will help members identify the goddess archetypes alive within them, what the devolved and evolved states of those archetypes look like, and how to invoke the most positive qualities of those archetypes through good self-awareness and self-care. We will have experiential exercises, sacred space, and take-home journaling exercises in this six-week group which will meet on Saturday afternoons. If you’re interested in learning more, please contact me directly at rebecca@nestcoaching.orgor rebecca@mhccholistichealth.hush.com!

 

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.