March is Social Media Awareness Month- Week 4

I’d like to wrap up our First Annual Social Media Awareness Month with a list of fun, inspirational social media accounts to follow for positivity or just plain fun!

Instagram:

@soulshineastrology

@gypsyon_

@annacardosoyoga

@prettyandwell

@naturechola

@sophie.jaffe

Facebook:

Pero Like

GoodTherapy

The Gottman Institute

Psychology Today

The Onion

The Animal Rescue Site

Awaken Self & Love

Naughty Shaman

The Red Barn in Durham

The Trauma Project

Thinking Minds

Humans of New York

Unfortunately, I rarely use Pinterest for these purposes (mostly just recipes and hairstyles to be honest), and I have never had a Twitter account, so I can’t offer very many social media accounts that would be useful there but feel free to comment and add your own! I love adding to the list of resources!

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

March is Social Media Awareness Month- Week 3

The last two weeks I have been talking about many of the negative aspects of social media, including harmful comments people make, comparing ourselves to other people’s highlight reels, and being inauthentic with our own social media personas. We have challenged ourselves to be more mindful with how we use social media. There are also many gifts that social media can offer us. I am connected to many professional groups related to my various fields though Facebook, and I learn so many new things every day. I find myself inspired by the relatively easy connection to other professionals in my field, who have such fantastic ideas. I also have a personal Instagram account, and I love it for the fact that I can curate most of the content I see and I can be open to all kinds of different inspiration from yoga accounts, silly comedy accounts, artistic accounts, music accounts, etc.

So this week, I want to challenge you to think about the accounts you’re following. Are they inspiring you? Are they leading you down a road that feels like it’s worth your time? If not, what can you get rid of? What do you want to make room for? What emotions are being evoked when you see this content? What do you feel in your body when taking in this content? How will it impact the way you connect with the physical world? If you don't have a car or positive answer for any of these, what would it take to stop following this content?

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

March is Social Media Awareness Month- Week 2

This week, in the spirit of the Social Media Awareness Month we’ve created for March, I want to discuss our individual social media personas. First, Dictionary.com defines “persona” as “the aspect of someone’s character that is presented to or perceived by others.” We all have different personas to get through our days- I think most of us can agree that we are different at work than at home or with our friends. With the advent of social media, it has become the norm to engage with the world from behind screens, picking and choosing the best parts of ourselves to show the world.

The result? We sit with our insecurities while we watch everyone’s highlight reels, taking the things they choose to share for the gospel truth, while comparing ourselves to everyone else. And other people probably aren’t trying to make anyone feel inferior, they’re just proud to show their cute selfie or their new house or car or baby or puppy. But the result is the same.

And don’t even get me started on public comments sections. People find any excuse to bash each other, and turn a mistake, grammatical error, or opinion into a judgement on that person as a whole (and it’s usually a negative one). It’s enough to scare anyone out of commenting or having any sort of opinion on anything. Throw in the misinformation that’s constantly tossed around, and it soon becomes hard to decipher what’s real and what’s not.

So this week, I want to invite you to be mindful of the social media persona you are cultivating through your shares and your comments. Are you being authentic? If not, why? How representative is your social media persona of your true life? Are you compensating for something? What is the intention behind what you’re sharing? Are you finding yourself arguing with or attacking people in the comments? Why? If you’re feeling attacked, what would help you feel better? Do you need to take a break from social media, or set limits with yourself around the time you spend on social media? Are you using it for an intended purpose, or is it just part of a routine/time filler? Is there something you’d rather be doing with that time instead?

I would love to hear your thoughts! If you need help breaking away from social media, or want to start turning your social media persona around to connect with people in a more authentic way, please feel free to reach out directly!

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

March is Social Media Awareness Month at MHCC and The Nest!

March is Social Media Awareness Challenge Month at MHCC and The Nest!

At MHCC/The Nest, we’re declaring March the first annual social media awareness month. This month, we will be addressing the harmful impacts of social media, ways to mitigate these impacts, healthy social media diet, and we will also be providing various recommendations for inspirational and informative social media accounts to follow.

            Social media has a deleterious impact on overall emotional well-being. Just scroll through the comments on any public image, video, or article circulating outside of your friend group, and I can guarantee it’s a parade of partially or ill-informed people bashing each other. Society seems to forget that human beings with actual feelings are reading this. Reacist, sexist, homo/transphobic comments about, making it difficult to speak up on issues that may be important to us or the ones we love.

            Social media, by-and-large, seems to squash individuality in favor of conformity to the status quo. People arguing in the comments sections appear hell-bent on conformity or trying to get other parties to think exactly as they do. There is no respectful discourse. Others try to set themselves apart as individuals, and when they go viral, the general public immediately sets to work at imitating or tearing down, rather than creating and being open to inspiration.

            People are less and less connected with each other, and I can’t tell you how many times I go out to restaurants and see entire families scrolling social media rather than connecting to and conversing with each other. It’s almost as if they don’t value each others’ time. We’re all a step removed from each other and use screens as an interface between ourselves and the world. This causes us to have increases in depression, due to unprecedented isolation, and anxiety if we can’t see exactly what others are doing all the time. Because we’re only exposed to the highlight reels in Instagram/Facebook/Snapchat stories, we assume the people behind those stories live those perfect lives 24/7. This creates an issue of comparing ourselves to others, especially celebrities, worse than ever before. Or, one of my favorites, the people with terrible boundaries who share every single moment of the day, when they would never share anything so ridiculous about themselves in the days before social media.

            My call to action for you this week is to take notice of the social media intake you have each day. How much time are you spending on social media apps and sites? How much time are you feeling like you’re really wasting on social media? What would you like to be doing instead? If you didn’t have social media for a whole year, what do you think you could accomplish? Is there a way to compromise? How do you feel about the main accounts you’re following- do they bring you closer to your goals? Journal on these questions, and try to find out exactly what you were looking to get out of following those accounts, and what you’re actually getting out of following them.

In Solidarity, 

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Questions to Ask Yourself to Find Out if Therapy/Coaching are Working For You

It can be challenging to let others in on your problems, goals, and your own perceived shortcomings in making them happen. Here is a small list of thought-provoking questions to help you determine if the process of therapy, or life coaching, is working for you.

 

Is this person hearing me?How do they show it? How do I perceive someone hearing me? Are their behaviors consistent with what I expect?

Is this person genuine? How do I find myself responding physically and emotionally to their energy?

Is this person aligning with/aware of my goals? What skills are they showing in helping me to get there?

Am I noticing changes in myself and the world?

Are their recommendations and support helping me to feel empowered outside of our sessions?

Do I feel as though I can safely share the most difficult moments of my life and the worst things I have ever believed about myself with this person? If not, what is it that feels like it’s getting in the way?

Can I be fully honest with this person?

Are they pushing me by challenging me, or are they just checking in and hearing me vent?  If the latter, is this because they want me to keep coming back for their own secondary gains, or is it because I’m hesitant to go deeper? What would help me feel safer to go deeper?

Is this person acting like they are more of an expert in my life than I am? Do I feel that they can recognize and value my strengths, skills, and struggles?It goes against most therapy and life coach teachings for the coach or therapist to act as if they are the expert in their clients’ daily lives and challenges, so if their ego is getting in the way of your work, it’s time to either confront them or find someone new.

What evaluations and methods are they using? Are they taking the time to properly educate me on them? How do I know they’re working?

How will I know that I have reached my goals?Are my own expectations and benchmarks matching up with theirs? Have we had this conversation?

Do they take the time to educate themselves on things that are important/relevant to me, or do they expect me to constantly be the one educating them?

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

What Do I Actually Need? Therapy vs. Coaching

There may be some confusion about how to get your needs met. You may be aware that you want help, but there is so much conflicting information available it can be hard to figure out where to turn. The over-simplified answer is: if you want to heal the past, get some therapy (which will identify the role your past is playing in the present, and is one way to heal and make changes). Coaching is a way to start making declarations and holding yourself accountable for a new way of showing up to the world- with support from someone who has expertise in a specific area.

To explain further, I am someone who does both. Often, my therapy clients have little insight into the patterns that are playing out in their daily lives. They just know their lives are beginning to feel increasingly out of their control, and that their symptoms are interfering with important areas of functioning. We have to spend a long time examining each small detail related to an issue, as it’s somewhat like a “breadcrumb” trail leading to the root of the problem. We then create therapy goals that are long-term, as well as smaller objectives to implement in effort to reach those goals. So, if I have a client whose main therapy goal is to stop experiencing trauma flashbacks, our objectives may look like: Identify and reprocess trauma memories using EMDR; build a strong coping skills repertoire; and identify a self-care regimen to decrease the likelihood of dissociation. Once we have achieved those goals, we either reassess and create new goals, or agree that the therapeutic relationship is complete and terminate accordingly. This is usually covered by health/behavioral health insurance plans.

Coaching is different. Life/relationship/business coaching is not a place to pick apart and try to heal old trauma. For starters, it’s more loose and free, so treatment plans and formal documentation are not necessary. As a result, insurance plans do not cover life/relationship/business coaching, but they may be tax deductible depending on many factors. Additionally, more of the “work” is done by the client. The life coach asks the client what they would like to spend their time focusing on, and asks a series of thought-provoking questions to help the client arrive at answers that lie within them. They help the client get out of their own heads if they can’t “see the forest for the trees.” Their questions are meant to inspire new thought and help the client incorporate new ways of thinking and approaching the world, their business, spirituality, and/or relationships.

Therapy is more focused on healing past issues, whereas coaching is more focused on supporting the client while they are taking more of the lead. Therefore, each session may have a very different focus in coaching, whereas in therapy/counseling sessions are directed by treatment plans. Coaching can also be used for accountability, but therapy/counseling has an ethical code when using therapy for this purpose while diagnosing and having active treatment plans- which are required for billing insurance.

I have two businesses where I do both. In my private practice, Mental Health Counseling & Consultation Services, LLC, I have a team of therapists who focus on clinical issues- therapy that requires diagnosis, treatment plans (very formal), insurance, therapy notes, and re-evaluation/updating of treatment plans every 90 days. Most of us focus on trauma of some sort and specialize in various types of treatment (such as EMDR). 

The life coaching business I own is called “The Nest Center for Coaching.” In my coaching business, I love to work with women who have processed their old trauma and given up their identity as someone who is ill or a victim, and need support in approaching the world as someone who is well or empowered. I also love to work with women who may have, as a result of early trauma, approached the world from a masculine perspective as a way of subconsciously identifying with those whom they view as more powerful than they are. They refuse to ever be victims again, so they are powerhouses at work but don’t understand why they don’t have the relationships/personal lives they feel they deserve.

I also love to support other clinicians as they move on from their graduate programs, make early moves in their careers, obtain their clinical licenses, and move toward private practice. There, we focus on niching and marketing as well as creating small, realistic plans the client feels are applicable to their daily lives. 

There are key differences between each of these fields, and it may seem that there is overlap between them (because there is). Point being, there are many different ways to receive the help you know you need, but first you may want to spend a little time being absolutely clear with yourself on what you need and the kind of help that would be most beneficial to you. Otherwise, there may be some confusion and a feeling of disappointment or hopelessness resulting from a mistaken belief that no one can help you!

If it sounds like my counseling practice may be able to help you, we do have immediate openings and lots of exciting events and groups happening throughout the year. Check out our website at www.mhccholistichealth.orgor email me directly at Rebecca@mhccholistichealth.hush.com. If my coaching services sound like they’re more your speed, visit my other website at www.nestcoaching.orgor email me directly at rebecca@nestcoaching.org

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Mindful Monday!

In last week’s Mindful Monday post, I shared a Time Magazine article about the benefits of yoga in regards to mental health. In keeping with that theme, I want to share another article this week about how to begin having a healthy relationship with your body again. This is especially important for clients who have a history of some sort of physical trauma, medical trauma, and chronic illness that can often create a disconnect from the body throughout the years. Enjoy, and hope this helps! If you, or someone you love, is trying to recover from trauma and heal your relationship with your body, contact us at MHCC! Email me directly for a referral at Rebecca@mhccholistichealth.hush.com!

https://consciousreminder.com/2017/04/01/how-to-heal-yourself-by-talking-to-your-body-your-cells-are-listening/?fbclid=IwAR0I2cqeeXZNqEdQU8Y20moxQs4VQHHx_N5OefSF6ZeqpdxJRM0TJzCjo_A

In Solidarity,

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Types of Therapy Groups

With our discussion of the benefits of group work last week, I thought it might make sense to discuss the different types of groups that are out there so that you may better decide if group therapy is for you, and if so, what type of group appeals most to your needs. Here is a brief outline of most of the types of groups that are run by mental health professionals (and some run by non-professionals) to hopefully help you navigate!

 

Psychoeducational Groups

Psychoeducational groups tend to have a more structured learning format. It may look like a small workshop, and the goal of the facilitator is to teach new skills or information through lectures and/or experiential learning. According to mentalhelp.net contributor Carrie Steckl, Ph.D., people who do well in psychoeducational groups are usually highly functional, but “have an information deficit in a certain area” (https://www.mentalhelp.net/blogs/which-type-of-therapeutic-group-is-right-for-you/). The group leader specializes in this area and therefore functions in a more directive role. These tend to include anger management groups, coping/social skills groups, and my colleague Juliana Woods’ group for parents of children who are deaf or hard of hearing. There may be some discussion about how this particular information deficit is impacting individuals within the group, but the point of the group is not to create a healing process. Rather, it’s to provide information so that individuals can choose to pursue their own healing outside of the group. These groups tend to have a time limit (i.e., “8-week coping skills group for teens”), but not always.

 

Process Groups

These are also sometimes called “psychotherapy” groups or “counseling” groups. Typically, the facilitator focuses more on interpersonal issues or concerns that each member of the group may be facing to some degree. The group itself is treated as an organism, and each member of the group works together towards common group goals. The rules are usually mutually agreed-upon with each member and the facilitator, and the goals are usually geared towards something each individual has identified wanting to work in their own lives as well. Therefore, the individual interpretation of the goals usually differs from member-to-member. The group will teach members new skills in relating to other people in their personal lives by experiences within the group. A great example of a process group is Erica Wilcox’s Women’s Trauma and Healing Group in Southington, CT (www.wilcoxwellness.com for more info- she’s amazing!). The group members have various forms of trauma but a common goal for each member is to take back their power and take charge of their life stories again. 

These groups tend to require some ground work on the part of the therapist to ensure that the group will work well together, so if you go into a process group expect the therapist to want to meet with you for an individual intake beforehand. They also tend to be “closed” groups, meaning that members are expected to commit to the full time period of the group (example, all six weeks of my Goddess group) and there won’t be people just “dropping in” for a session 

or two. 

 

 

 

Support Groups

These groups tend to be more open and running indefinitely- examples include twelve-step groups such as NA or AA. They tend to differ depending on the type of group being offered, and can be run by trained therapists but not always. For instance, AA and NA both value anonymity, however encourage sharing of details so that members can feel as though they are part of a group/community of other individuals struggling similarly or who have struggled similarly in the past. Support groups can exist for virtually any issue, such as substance abuse, parenting, breastfeeding, general trauma, traumatic loss, etc. and the possibilities are endless. 

 

Hybrid Groups

Hybrid groups may include a combination of any of the above listed types of groups. My Goddess group is an example of a Hybrid group- we will have some psychoeducation regarding the Goddess archetypes and how to identify the goddesses active within each of us, and the goddesses we would like to invoke to realign with our values and goals. However, we will also be doing plenty of processing and supporting each other, so it’s a combination between a psychoeducational group and a process group. 

 

Finding these groups, if you’re interested in one, may prove to be a challenge. While the Internet is a highly useful tool in getting us connected, and you might find some of these groups advertised on Facebook ads or in email marketing newsletters. I encourage you to reach out to your therapist if you have one, to get connected with the right groups for you. Most therapists, especially those in private practice, have a network of other local therapists and might be able to connect you to the right group for you. And if the ideal group for you doesn’t exist, maybe someone will be inspired to create one! Other non-Internet places to find groups can include churches, community boards, your physician, yoga studios, schools, community agencies, local libraries, or your friends!

If you’re interested in learning more about my Goddess Group, please contact me directly at rebecca@nestcoaching.org

 

Rebecca L. Toner, MA, LPC

Freer of Souls. Connector to Purpose. Healer of Lives.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.

Rebecca Toner, MA, LPC is a group private practice owner, EMDR therapist and consultant-in-training, and a life coach operating out of Plainville, CT. She specializes in treating clients with chronic attachment trauma and dissociation, and has passion in working with coaching clients who are learning how to reclaim their power after processing trauma.